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How You Know You're a Bachelor
When It's Winter in Vallecito
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“People who live in a small town don’t read the newspaper the next
  morning to see what happened the day before.

  They just read the newspaper to see who got caught at it!”

                                                           Author unknown  

*  *  *  *  *

 “Sometimes, the most generous people

  are those with the least means,

  inviting you in for their supper,

  to share a bowl of beans.”

                                                           Gary Courtney
                                                Author, Photographer & historian


*  *  *  *  *

 “There’s a saying that you can tell a lot about a person by
                                    the books they read.
       My version is:        You can tell a lot about a person by
                                    the heroes they have.
Some of mine are:

                            ·        Will Rogers, for his brave wit, humor and
                                                common sense,

·        Benjamin Franklin, for his many inventions and

·        Major John Wesley Powell, for his scientific contributions and exploration of the American West,

·        The NASA Astronauts, the true “Survivors”, and

·        “Big Jim” Whittaker,
              the first American to climb Mount Everest, and
              the inspiration for my son's name.”

Gary Courtney

*  *  *  *  *

“A measure of true character and charity is when people can put aside  
  their personal differences, and band together to help another in crisis.”

                                                          Gary Courtney

(Character was clearly shown in the nationwide assistance efforts
for Gulf Coast hurricane victims, 2005.)

*  *  *  *  *

            "A comedian makes a joke to make a living.

             A politician makes a joke, and it becomes law!"

                                                            Will Rogers

*  *  *  *  *

"A pseudo-intellectual is an extremely articulate person, who can rationalize

  that night is day, but who ignores common sense or human nature."

                                                            Gary Courtney
                                                From "The Evolution of Control -
Generation by Generation Expansion of Government"
                             Copyright 1994 Gary D. Courtney in the Library of Congress

*  *  *  *  *

"The Solid Muldoon" Newspaper
of Ouray
from "The Ouray Primer" by David Day, in the early 1890's

"God hates a coward, yet there are several of them engineering so called newspapers."

"There never was a brewery boycotted, or a distillery's products called Unfair. They are all good or better."

"What is a legislature?", the child asked.
"In Colorado, it is a conglomeration of
Rural and Metropolitan Asses elevated by
Misguided Suffrage to positions intended by
the Constitution for Brains, Honor and Manhood", I replied.

                           David Day's western writing style in Ouray preceded the similar style,
                        by four years, of famous  writer Eugene Field, whose "Primer"
                        in the Denver Tribune credited Field with the style. They were both
                        precursors of another famous writer of similar style to come in the 1930's -
                        Will Rogers.

                           After being appointed to the staff of Colorado Governor James B. Grant,
                        in 1883 and 1884, he was called "Colonel" Day.

                           His sharp pen and fearsome journalism got him into conflicts and lawsuits
                        many times. However, he always won out, because he spoke the truth, and
                        that is what many feared.

                           David Day's brave pen and sharp, coarse wit continued as the owner and
                        editor of The Solid Muldoon newspaper in Ouray, until March, 1892.
                        It was then Colonel Day moved his family and his newspaper
                        from Ouray to Durango.

                           At first, he published both a daily and a weekly edition. By July, 1892,
                        Day decided to consolidate the two newspapers into a building especially
                        for them on 8th Street.

                           In 1893, Colonel Day was appointed Indian Agent for the Southern Ute
                        Indians at the Ignacio reservation, by President Grover Cleveland.
                        He served in the position for over three years.

                           He was a member of no organizations, fearing association would be a
                        conflict of interest to his objective journalism, save one. Only two men in all
                        the state of Colorado held the Medal of Honor Men of the Civil War -
                                 General William Jackson Palmer,
                                            owner of the Granite Peaks Ranch at Vallecito, and
                                 "Colonel" David Day, who was only a teenage Private at the time!

                           David Frakes Day passed away in Durango, June 22, 1914, but he left a
                        longstanding legacy of courage to speak the truth in our society, and to
                        function as a much-needed conscience for those who went astray
                        from morals and ethics. Famous road builder and translator for Chief Ouray,
                        Otto Mears, spoke at his services, and was by the family's side throughout the
                        funeral proceedings in Denver.

                           After being sold by son Dave Day in December, 1924, and sold again by
                        George W. Lane, in April, 1928, to J.M. McDevitt, the newspapers were
                        consolidated into one press, which was sold to the Ballentines in 1952.

 The name of the newspaper?
David Day's labor of love became the Durango Herald!

*  *  *  *  *

   "Some people have had to deal with lawyers before,
      but they haven't had to deal with me or Will Rogers!"

Gary Courtney
from his front page community action column
in the Oklahoma Legend weekly

*  *  *  *  *

"Considering Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and our other Founding Fathers were smart enough in knowledge of human nature 200 years ago to prohibit an income tax in the Constitution, we've gone a long way  cruelly backward on our people, since then, with the IRS."

                                                            Gary Courtney,
                                                                                  Author of
"The Evolution of Control - Generation by Generation Expansion of Government"
                                                       Copyright 1994 Gary D. Courtney in the Library of Congress

*  *  *  *  *

To the President and Congress:

     "Thank you all very kindly. I'm much obliged for your help.

      Now, what are you doin' in legislation that'll help all the deservin' folks who    
            can't get their pen to write as good as mine?"

                                                              Gary Courtney
On his written request crusade to the President and Congress
                                                            for their intervention to solve the emergency of     
                                                            people dying by being unjustly denied Disability, or
                                                            deprived of their basic retirement fixed income benefits
                                                            by Social Security and other government agencies, and

*  *  *  *  *

            "Good complexity is that which consists of well-organized
                    multiple layers of simplicity."

                                                    Gary Courtney,
                                                 Senior Consultant
on the two-year total software re-write project for
                                      C&K Petroleum, Houston, Texas

*  *  *  *  *

            "The people most likely to be offended by your documenting
             something in a memo or letter are:
             those who will take advantage of the situation when you don't,
             those who want to sweep something under the rug and
             not move to act."

                                                            Gary Courtney

*  *  *  *  *

Keynote speech to CEO's & CFO's of nationwide companies at IBM - Houston:  

"Preserve your company's security, self-sufficiency, and quality control
             at all costs!

    Regardless of the accounting picture, pay attention to intangible values.


Always keep the authors of your primary Information Systems in-house,
as your employees or as contractors under your direct supervision.
Don't depend on an outside vendor, such as IBM, for technical support to keep your Operating System and network running properly.


Keep the ability to update your own software, with valuable new custom efficiencies specifically for your company's unique needs. One modification alone can be worth millions, and you have no control over what an outside programmer could embed in your systems.


Make sure your computer department is managed by someone who has created systems for your industry - not an Accountant, and not an inexperienced college graduate!"

                        Gary Courtney, President of Computer Guidance Corporation
                 Keynote guest speaker to CEO's & CFO's of nationwide Distribution companies
                                          at IBM Woodway offices in Houston, Texas

< Since that speech, company management of Accounting background across the nation have led a move to do away with in-house software engineers, to take the cheapest way.
(Valuable software engineers made more money than most accountants and some Controllers, and PC's cost less than larger, more secure computers.)
Most Information Systems departments have been put under the management of accountants or recent college computer graduates, who know just enough to think they're doing the best possible, rather than experienced Chief Information Officers.

As a result:


The lack of ability to create their own new custom efficiencies has cost American industry an estimated over $70 trillion, during only the last two decades. Most companies are ignorant of what they are missing, and operate "in little boxes", all on the same software. Hiring of a computer manager and staff is too commonly focused upon someone to connect boxes, and to keep a network running, not upon knowledge of the industry and applications design.


First computer support has gone to Accounting, rather than "front-lines" Operating Departments of companies, which generate the money. This is evident in the Distribution industry with the secondary priority of Sales and Marketing and Inventory/Purchasing, and in the Oil and Gas industry with Geological and Geophysical departments. Accounting always gets primary priority, as long as the Controller or CFO is responsible for the computer department.


The last recent international virus cost over $10 billion in damages overnight, and
shut down entire U.S. companies. Other types of computers, such as the IBM AS/400, don't use Windows Operating System, and are not subject to viruses. Also, with these mid-range computers, software normally comes with the source code, so you can change anything in your company functions.


No one knows what is in the canned programs we buy now, created in foreign countries. Future problems may surface that make the "Y2K" crisis seem like a party, and
they will not be within our control to correct. >


Quotes of Note
When It's Winter in Vallecito

How You Know You're a Bachelor
Gary Courtney

  1. When you re-use a Styrofoam cup so many times your coffee starts to seep through it.

  2. When you shop for food that doesn't easily scorch or burn.

  3. When your interest in the store is more focused on the attractive customers and employees, than on the food on the shelf.

  4. When you keep receipts, not for proof of purchase, but for the phone numbers you wrote on them.

  5. When you look for recipes, like Bisquik, with no more than three ingredients.

  6. When you move the sofa from one side of the room to another, without someone asking you, and the sofa is in the bedroom.

  7. When you come home late enough from a party to not know the picture on the wall is hanging crooked.

  8. When you have to look in the mirror to have someone to argue with.

  9. When keeping priorities straight means not missing Monday Night Football.

  10. When you cook stew, because it can be frozen and last several meals.

  11. When you can take a sip of milk out of the container and not get yelled at, but it's spoiled from age.

  12. When there's no one to blame for the blanket coming off you on a cold winter night.

  13. When there's not enough dirty dishes from a meal to fill the sink.

  14. When your plates won't break easily, because you bought the best package of 100.

  15. When your dog is your best friend, because you're the only one there to feed him.

  16. When you don’t have to worry about turning the light out to save  
    electricity, because the bulb’s burned out, anyway.
  17. When taking a cold shower means you forgot to pay the electric  
  18. When there's no one there to hear you cussing, are you really making a sound?
  19. When you don't need more hangers, because your clothes stand up in the corner by themselves.
  20. When the clothing store clerks point at you and giggle to each other, as you leave with your purchase.
  21. When no one is at the door to tell you goodbye in the morning, and remind you to zip your fly.
  22. When you can't call home from the store on your cell phone, and ask which brand to buy.
  23. When you have to have someone call you a "Hippie" to remind you to get a haircut.
  24. When you can throw the colored clothes in with the whites, and just set the washer on cold water.

Quotes of Note
How You Know You're a Bachelor

When It's Winter in Vallecito

  1. All the ATV's get put up, and the snowmobiles get taken out.

  2. A favored mode of transportation is an Arctic Snow Cat, with tracks.
    It looks like a National Geographic expedition at the North Pole.

  3. The way out of your house after a snow is through the second floor window.

  4. Nike tennis shoes are traded for snowshoes and ski poles.

  5. You'll trade anything for a set of tire chains and four-wheel drive.
    (That's how I lost my last wife, but my Jeep still runs good.)

  6. The only fatalities are from "cabin fever". Makes for fewer divorces to mess with, come Spring.

  7. Even an outhouse is too far away.

  8. Bank and boat fishing turn to ice fishing.

  9. The only boats left in the marinas are abandoned ones.

  10. No one can drown in Vallecito Lake. What's left is frozen over.

  11. The way to Durango becomes through Bayfield - NOT Florida Road.

  12. It's time for plumbing problems to start at Wit's End.

  13. Wood is cheaper than propane.

  14. Real Estate agents head south.

  15. Lawyers fly north, because Santa won't bring them gifts, but
    they can use their own plane to file a complaint motion at the North Pole.

  16. Check the Healy's revised store hours at Country Market.

  17. "Geronimo" the buffalo's fur coat is used as a forecast of the season.

  18. Vehicles are sporting snowplows on the front.

  19. The cross country ski club passes you in your car.

  20. If someone says, "Keep your shirt on!", they really mean it.

  21. The greatest danger to mailboxes is snowplow wake.

  22. Culvert No. 39 is no longer a concern. You can't find where it's buried by the snow, anyway.

  23. You might as well use black and white film in your camera.

  24. The family dog is frozen to the metal fence post, when he hikes his leg.

  25. Only basketball players can be seen above the snow.
                                    and ---

  26. It's like the power outage in New York City.
    Nine months later, there's a local baby boom!


Quotes of Note
How You Know You're a Bachelor
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Copyright 2005 Gary D. Courtney